All posts by Rania Naim

There Are People Out There Who Still Know How To Love

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Unsplash/Brooke Winters

It’s crazy how life works sometimes. You get that one call or that one message you’ve been waiting for you and it doesn’t move you. You finally get the declaration of love that you once prayed for and it doesn’t fill your heart with joy. You get the apology you’ve been wanting to hear and it doesn’t soften your heart.

I guess this is what happens when you’ve been the one who’s always extending your love to those who didn’t deserve it. When you’ve waited long enough for people who never showed up on time. When you’ve been the one who tried to mend and fix everything only to have the other person break it. I guess this is what happens when your heart has had enough. I guess this is what happens when you remember that you deserve the same kind of love you’re always giving.

I guess this is what happens when you realize that time changes everything. Distance gives you the closure you need. Self-love reminds you of your worth. I guess this is what happens when you realize that you still know how to walk away, you still know how to detach, you still know that there are better people out there for you. People who want to offer you a solid kind of love that doesn’t leave you wondering. People who inspire you to become better because they have unwavering faith in you and your abilities. People who want to take care of you. There are people out there who can see your worth right away. They don’t need constant reminders. They don’t need to explore to know for sure. They don’t need to lose you first to appreciate you. There are people out there who are ready to surprise you and redefine everything you thought you knew about love.

And I guess when you meet these people, that one message doesn’t mean anything anymore. That one call is better left unanswered. That person belongs to your past, not your future. Their reality no longer belongs to you. You belong to the ones who don’t make you suffer. You belong to the ones who don’t keep you waiting. You belong to the ones who inspire to love deeper and laugh harder. You belong to the ones who enhance the most beautiful parts of your soul instead of forcing you to hide them.

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Come Find Me When You’re Ready

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Unsplash/Dan 7Kidz

Come find me when you’re ready to dive deeper into love.

Come find me when you’re done with all your games.

Come find me when your need for love is greater than your need for attention.

Come find me when you want to have something real.

Come find me when you’re looking for quality over quantity.

Come find me when you’re done chasing temporary things.

Come find me when you’re ready to bare your soul.

Come find me when you’re not afraid to be vulnerable.

Come find me when you’re not scared of showing me your scars.

Come find me when you’re ready to share every little part of your life with someone.

Come find me when you’re ready to hand someone your whole heart.

Come find me when you’re looking for the truth.

Come find me when you need someone to understand your complexities.

Come find me when you’re looking for someone to reflect your soul.

Come find me when you’re looking for forever not just for right now.

Come find me when you’re looking for a home, not a vacation.

Come find me when you’re tired of running and you’re finally ready to stay.

Sometimes It Takes Not Loving Yourself To Master The Art Of Self-Love

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Unsplash/Pete Bellis

Self-love is not easy. It’s not something you can master overnight. It’s not something you can practice in a year or two. It’s an ongoing process. It’s a constant test. It’s a constant battle that you may not always win but you have to remember that self-love is the only weapon you need to win at life because life will always put you in situations where you have to use it and use it wisely.

Self-love means depriving yourself of the things you love and the temptations along the way because you don’t want to lose yourself. It means learning how to walk away from the people who don’t appreciate you even if they’re all you need and think about. It means being brave enough to say no when everything inside you screams yes. It means choosing to walk alone instead of being around the wrong crowd.

Self-love means setting boundaries and having difficult conversations and ending friendships and relationships that are not serving you well. It means suffering alone for a little while to find long-term happiness. It means making difficult decisions and guarding your heart and protecting yourself from those trying to hurt you.

Sometimes self-love goes against everything you’re feeling and everything you’re thinking. Sometimes self-love means ignoring what people think of you and learning how to believe in yourself without anyone supporting you. Sometimes it means having to be your own cheerleader. Sometimes it means having to do the very thing that you hate to do because no one said self-love was easy. No one said that you won’t have days where it’s easier to throw your pride out the window and just cave into the instant gratification. No one told you that it’s actually harder to be your best friend than your worst enemy.

But being your worst enemy will only cause you pain and disappointment. It will put you in situations that you’re going to regret. It will draw people who don’t appreciate you closer to you. It will make people take you for granted and slowly it will make you believe that you’re not worthy of love and respect. You’ll start believing that you’re not good enough. You’ll start living expecting people to treat you like you don’t matter. You’ll start being okay with not liking who you are and waiting for people to validate you in order to feel better about yourself.

So no one said self-love will be easy, but once you get it, once you nail it, once you truly master the art of self-love, you’ll realize that it was all worth it. You’ll realize that no one has the power to make you doubt yourself and no one has the power to make you question your worth because you have the most important shield, you have the strongest protection…you know who you are and what you deserve and you won’t allow yourself to settle again.

You won’t allow yourself to let anyone dictate or define how you see yourself or how you feel about yourself because sometimes that’s the only way to truly thrive in life.

The Wrong Kind Of Love Is Overrated

 

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Unsplash/Tyler Nix

Trust me when I say the wrong kind of love is overrated. Wanting someone you can’t have. Missing someone who wasn’t really yours. It’s all in your head. Fighting for someone’s attention when they’re so easily distracted by anything other than you. Trust me, you don’t want someone who can’t see you or see your worth. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want to spend time with you. You don’t want someone who keeps making excuses as to why you can’t be together instead of finding reasons to make it work. You don’t want someone who makes you feel like getting to know you is heavy or frustrating. You don’t want someone who makes you feel like you’re so hard to be with. You don’t want someone who can’t communicate the truth to you when you need it most. You don’t want someone with a weak heart who can’t handle all of you because darling, you’re not for the faint of heart.

Trust me, it’s overrated.

Once you take them off that pedestal and put yourself back on there, you’ll realize that you should have knocked them down a long time ago. Because it’s overrated. Their love is nothing but a waste of time. It will never match yours and they will never bring out the best in you. It’s pointless. Wanting someone who suppresses the most beautiful and vulnerable parts of you. Talking to someone who forces you to bite your tongue and curb your deepest emotions. Running a mile for someone who wouldn’t even walk an inch for you.

You don’t need that and you also don’t need closure. Your closure is knowing your worth and taking back all the love you’ve given to the wrong ones and pouring it on the one who truly deserves your love because that’s when you’ll know it’s right, when you pour your love on someone and it doesn’t leave you feeling empty. 

Another Way To Look At Things Falling Apart

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Today, I want to talk about things falling apart.

It’s funny how one month can make you question everything. March was such a transitional month for me. A lot of things changed in my personal and professional life and it made me question and rethink a lot of things.

Often, we get carried away with a certain fantasy in our head or a certain life we want to live to the point where we convince ourselves that this is the life we’ve been dreaming of and it’s finally here and the world is better now but then something happens that shakes up this so-called ‘perfect’ life and you’re faced with the hard questions again, the real painful questions you’ve been stifling; is that the life I want to live? Is this is where I want to live? Is that the person I want to love? Is that the kind of friend I need?

And when the answer is shockingly no to all these questions, you’re forced to start over. You’re forced to step back and see things for what they are and people for who they are. You’re forced to stop romanticizing your life and start being a realist again. Change is hard. Disappointment sucks. Feeling like you’ve been betrayed or taken for granted or lied to hurts like hell.

But you know what hurts even more? Pretending that everything is okay when it’s not. Playing dumb when you know better. Underestimating your own ability to walk away from a life that no longer serves you.

Things fall apart so you can change something within you. They fall apart to teach you something really important; the wrong people, the wrong city, the wrong friends will never give you the life of your dreams.

I feel like this month God has ended everything I once lived for or believed in. I feel like in a way he cleansed my life for me, granted, it was a bit too sudden, too abrupt like the saying when it rains it pours, but at the same time, I feel like this is what I’ve been praying for so I can’t really complain. I’ve been praying for clarity, I’ve been praying to find where I belong, I’ve been praying to figure out if I should let go or hold on and I feel like God gave me the answers all at once. You see, praying is for the brave. You have to be brave enough to face the truth even if it’s not the one you hoped for.

Then I remembered one of my favorite quotes from Eat Pray Love ‘Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.’

I’ve been in my bubble for two years. I got comfortable with the way things have been even when they weren’t making me happy. I took whatever I could get without believing that I can do better. I settled and when you settle, there will always be a void you can’t fill, there will always be something missing even though you can’t pinpoint it. There will always be a person inside you waiting for you to move, or say something or change or take a leap of faith because this is not who you are. You are lying to yourself. You are withholding your own truth and delaying your own fortune.

And that’s how I feel about things falling apart, they’re not actually falling apart to destroy you, they’re falling apart to save you. They’re falling apart to protect you. They’re falling apart so you can transform your life.

So accept that ruin can sometimes be a gift from the universe. Ruin can build up better things. Ruin is not always favorable but if that’s the way the cookie crumbles, then we must figure out a way to enjoy the deliciousness and sweetness of it all, even if it’s crumbs for now because the day it all falls back together, the day things fall back into place, we’ll be glad we didn’t ruin our lives when things were falling apart. We’ll be glad we held on instead of falling down with it. We’ll be glad we survived the worst because it only means things will get better. It only means that the best is yet to come.

So on those hard days when it feels like everything is falling apart, I’ll always remember this quote and feel hopeful again. “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

One Day, It Will Just Hit You

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Nikita Kachanovsky

And one day it will just hit you. On a random Tuesday afternoon, as you’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea, it will just hit you that you deserve so much more. You deserve so much better.

Someone who truly wants you. Someone who wants to try. Someone who wants to take a chance.

It will hit you when you start feeding yourself the bitter truth instead of your sweet lies. It will hit you when you try to sum up their actions and they don’t add up. It will hit you when you realize they only liked how you made them feel. The validation they got from you. The attention you gave them so effortlessly and the way you built them up when they were broken.

It will hit you that when it was your turn to ask for what you wanted and ask for your efforts to be matched, they ran away. They couldn’t step up because they didn’t value you. They valued how you made them feel. It was never about you from the start. It was always about them. They never saw you. The only saw the way you viewed them and they fell in love with it. They fell in love with the image you created — the person they’re never going to be.

But please don’t hate yourself for sticking around longer than you should or giving more or caring more. Please don’t say you’re a fool for believing in something more. Please don’t beat yourself up for thinking that they could have been right for you because you gave it your all, you were brave enough to try, you showed up, you embraced your vulnerability and told them how you truly felt and and that’s what truly matters.

That’s how you will move on easily and peacefully. That’s how you will let go with ease because trust me, it will hit them one day, on a random Tuesday afternoon as they’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea that they should have tried harder. They should have loved you when you cared. They should have known that you will eventually walk away. They should have known that when you decide to leave, you’re never coming back.

It will hit them only when it’s too late. Only when you’re gone.

The Beauty Of Choosing To Trust God Instead Of Worrying

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Unsplash/JoelValve

Something beautiful happens when you trust God.

Things don’t hurt you as much as they used to.

Endings don’t cause you pain.

The unknown doesn’t stress you out.

Life doesn’t scare you anymore because you’re not attached to the outcome. You’re not attached to a single plan. You’re not attached to a picture of how things should look like.

You just live knowing that everything will be ok. Everything will be fine. Everything will work itself out because, at the end of the day, there’s only so much you can do.

At the end of the day, you’re not in control.

You can jump up or fall down, crawl or run, yell or scream but nothing will ever change what God wrote for you.

So be still.

Stay calm. Keep believing in him and his plans.

What’s not meant for you will always evade you and what’s meant for you will always find you no matter where you are.

People will tell you that you need to have a plan for your future and make decisions quickly and figure things out but God will tell you that you need to be patient. You need to listen. You need to wait for your turn or your moment. You need to follow his lead.

And trust me when I say that no one will make you feel better, no one will understand what you’re going through and no one will help you or heal you except for God.

So let all your fears and worries go for a second and be still. The universe is moving things for you. God is working things out for you. You are safe.

A New Journey

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Today, the search for meaning begins again. Today, the search for something more begins again. Today, the search for a new home begins again. Today marks the end of my two-year journey with Thought Catalog. It’s been a life-changing journey for me and they’ve helped me become the writer I am today. I’ll always be grateful for the chance they took on me and will never forget that they believed in my voice when no one else did, but writing every day for two years and forcing myself to reopen old wounds, be vulnerable and expose myself day in and day out took a toll on me mentally and emotionally.

Granted, it was liberating to let it all out and it healed me in so many ways and helped me connect deeply with all of you but at times it was very difficult and it was hard to fully let go of the pain knowing I had to count on it for inspiration time and time again. I’m excited now to explore other opportunities and see where this journey takes me. I’m excited to find my new voice and I’m excited to share it all with you.

Change is not always easy but it’s necessary and it helps you grow and challenge your comfort zone but it also pushes you to dig out more gifts and treasures within you. I’ll always be thankful for each and everyone one of you and your undeniable support and love that made those two years even more memorable. For the first time in a really long time, I don’t have a plan and I don’t want to have one. I just want to see where life takes me and the new doors God will open for me but one thing is for sure, I’ll always follow my heart!

Today, another wonderful chapter ends and a new one begins. Let’s see what’s written in this one!