Tag Archives: Feelings

Sometimes Letting Go Of What You Want Brings You What You Deserve

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You have to first ask yourself if this is the kind of love you’ve been searching for? Is this the kind of love that you’ve worked so hard on yourself for? Does it match your energy? Does it love you the way you want to be loved? Does it make you feel at ease and inspired or anxious and confused? You have to ask yourself is this person giving you their undivided love and attention or are they giving you bits and pieces because you deserve a love that’s whole.

You have to ask yourself if this person is choosing you above all else, do they cherish you and are they truly afraid of losing you or do you find yourself always questioning what you mean to them? Because you don’t deserve the kind of love that leaves you with questions, you deserve the kind of love that gives you answers.

And I know it’s not easy to close the door on someone you want or close the door when you still have so much to say and so much to do. It’s not easy to close the door after you’ve invested time and effort and shared your deepest secrets but sometimes leaving that door open will only hurt you down the line because you don’t deserve a love than abandons you. You don’t deserve the kind of love that makes you want to run away and leave. You don’t deserve the kind of love that doesn’t fight for you to stay. You deserve a love that feels like home. The kind of home that you long to go back to after a rainy day. The kind of home you don’t want to leave on Friday nights and Sunday mornings. The kind of home that makes you sleep at night knowing you’re exactly where you belong.

Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving the person or stop wishing them well, it just means that you’re not willing to accept the kind of love they have to offer at the moment. It means that you have recognized that you both have different love languages and you’re looking for different things and sometimes the other person will never understand your language or speak it. Eventually, you’ll find yourself asking for things that you shouldn’t be asking for or things that should come naturally from someone who loves you and cares about you.

Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving the person, it just means that you have to accept that this is not the kind of love you want to settle for because you know that someone else will have the capacity to love you a lot more and they will always speak your language so you don’t have to spend your whole time translating it.


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The Difference Between Us

I hope this is the year where you get reintroduced to yourself, your potential and your worth. I hope this is the year where you find the road to your wishes easier to navigate. I hope this is the year where all your (1)

The difference between us
is that I say how I truly feel
and you say what I want to hear
and somewhere in the middle
we failed to understand each other.

The difference between us
is that I find homes in people
and you find excuses
and somewhere in between
I found myself closing my door

The difference between us
is I walk away when I’m confused
but you convince people that you’re sure
but eventually your hesitation prevailed
and it became harder to trust you

The difference between us
is that I heal myself when I’m broken
but you break people when you’re hurt
and then my heart starts to wonder
if this is where it truly belongs

The difference between us
is that I don’t find joy in dishonesty
and you find pleasure in deception
but eventually your manipulation
brought the end of our story

The difference between us
is that you expect me to wait
and I expect you to show up
but somehow your absence made more sense
and I found myself much happier without you

The Only Kind Of Love You Really Need

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Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

You need the kind of love that inspires you to become even more compassionate, even deeper, even softer. The kind of love that doesn’t make you regret giving your heart or being kind or exposing your vulnerability. You need the kind of love that restores your faith in humanity and in yourself. The kind of love that keeps you overflowing with more to give, not the one that makes you feel empty and restless.

You need the kind of love that allows you to grow as an individual, the kind of love that doesn’t fill your mind with toxic thoughts or leave you feeling like you can’t do anything right. The kind of love that makes you sleep at night with one less thing to worry about. The kind of love that doesn’t give you nightmares or anxiety or makes you feel like you have to try so hard or compete for someone’s affection. The kind of love you can truly trust. 

You need the kind of love that stands by you on your weakest days, the kind of love that makes the hard times a little easier to get through. You need the kind of love that stays when it’s easier to leave and fights when it’s easier to give up. The kind of love that gives you more than one reason to hold on. You need the kind of love that makes you glow because you’re genuinely happy. The love that liberates you.

You need the kind of love that you don’t fear. The kind of love that doesn’t make you nervous thinking about the future. The kind of love that tames your raucous doubts and reminds you that the love you always wanted was never unreasonable but you were just asking those who couldn’t deliver.

I’m Not Stone Cold 

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Photo by Roksolana Zasiadko on Unsplash

I’m not stone cold
but I’m no longer a sucker for words
or a lover of games
or a believer of lies.

I’m not stone cold
but I have mastered the art
of being on my own
without pining over love.

I’m not stone cold
but I now know how
to take my heart back
from those who broke it.

I’m not stone cold
but I stopped putting people
on pedestals they don’t deserve.
I stopped fighting losing battles.

I’m not stone cold
but I stopped apologizing
for who I am,
for speaking my truth.

I’m not stone cold
but I’m no longer restless
I now stand my ground.
I now take my power back.

I’m not stone cold
but the way I love has changed
and the way I live has changed.
I’m not trying to ‘win’ anyone anymore.

I’m not stone cold
but I’ve learned how to
light my own fire
when people leave me out in the cold.

2019, I’m Ready To Let You Go

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2019, I’m ready to let you go.

This time, I’m saying goodbye to what could be the most challenging year of my life. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was challenging. It gave me so much to remember yet so much to forget. It brought me so much joy but also a lot of tears. It gave me so much to be thankful for but took away a few valuable things.

2019, this is my bittersweet farewell to you.

Farewell to the day I had to break my own heart because I knew deep down I wasn’t getting the kind of love I deserved. I had to choose myself instead of settling for being an option to someone else. I had to pick being alone again over someone who was never going to value me or make an effort to be in my life. I had to once again admit to myself that I made the wrong choice and it was not too late to right my wrongs. It’s never too late to realize that you made a mistake because you can always make things right again. Farewell to the day I had to break my own heart to save it. Farewell to the day I decided to do things the hard way because I wasn’t ready to lose myself again in the arms of the wrong person and I wasn’t ready to go back on what I always believed in just to make someone else happy. Especially someone who didn’t take my happiness very seriously.

Farewell to the days I saw my loved ones suffer; either from illnesses or losses or painful experiences. The days that make you reevaluate your life and your choices. The days that make you reflect on the meaning of life and security. The days that teach you the hard way that you’re not always in control and that God will always have the last word. The days you’re never prepared for but have to face anyway and utilize all your strength, faith, wisdom, patience and resilience. The days that present you with the hardest tests in life, the ones you didn’t study for, the ones you need to pass anyway. The ones that force you to burst every bubble and step out of your comfort zone. Farewell to the days that broke my heart in irreparable ways.

But more than anything, farewell to the old me, the person I was before this year started, the person who was fearful and confused and scared. The person who didn’t know if they could start over or make things happen or walk away from certain people. Farewell to the person who was stuck either professionally or personally or romantically because if 2019 taught me anything, it’s that if you can take every challenge, every setback, every painful heartbreak, every loss, every tragedy and every missed opportunity as a sign that you need to grow or change your life or yourself and you actually do something about it, then you’ll never have a bad year. You’ll always win even if you don’t have the right cards dealt for you as long as you learn how to play them. And if you can search for the truth within you and among others even if it hurts, you won’t lose yourself, you won’t end up living a lie. You won’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

Farewell 2019, the year that forced me to find myself and my truth, to stand on my own, to watch everything I feared unfold before my eyes, to make all the difficult decisions that I was running away from, to protect my own heart by breaking it over and over again and still survive, and still hope, and still dream of better and bigger things.

2019 will always be the year that tried to kill me but I survived and the year that prepared me for whatever challenges 2020 plans on bringing, but for now, all I can hope for, just like I do every year, is for 2020 to be kind. I hope 2020 is the calm after the storm. I hope 2020 is the year I thrive but regardless of what it plans on bringing, I’m ready.

2020, I’m so ready for you!

You Won’t Recognize Me Now

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You won’t recognize this new me,
you won’t recognize my laughter,
I don’t find your jokes funny anymore.
You won’t recognize my eyes,
they no longer admire you,
they no longer look for you.

You won’t recognize my hands,
they no longer long for your touch,
they no longer want to hold you.
You won’t recognize my energy,
I’m not available to you anymore,
I’m not yours this time and
it’s your turn to feel my absence.

You won’t recognize my heart,
it doesn’t beat for you anymore,
it doesn’t miss you,
it’s not the same.
Or maybe it is,
maybe it has always been this way.
People break it
thinking it won’t mend itself
or heal
but it always bounces back
even stronger.
It always comes back to me,
intact
unable to settle
for half-hearted love
or mediocre relationships.

You won’t recognize me now,
look at me all you want
but you will never see me
because I put myself back together
in ways you will never understand. 

It Sucks That I’m Happier Without You

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Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

It sucks that I’m happier without you.

It sucks that when I sleep at night, I can only think of how good it feels to sleep without wondering what you’re doing, who you’re talking to or trying to find the truth between your lies.

It sucks that when I wake up, I don’t miss your good morning text. The one that was probably sent to many. The one that eventually stopped meaning anything if I wasn’t the only one you think of when you wake up in the morning. It sucks that when I wake up, I have one less thing to worry about. One less burden.

It sucks that when someone brings up your name, I have to nod and agree with everything they’re saying about you. It sucks that I can’t defend you or your actions because you didn’t prove any of them wrong. You didn’t even try.

It sucks that when I think about my future, I feel better that you won’t be in it. Thinking of all the ways you could have screwed me over. Thinking of all the ways you could have ruined it with your presence. It sucks that walking away may have been the best thing I did for myself.

It sucks that you were once an important somebody who quickly turned into a nobody, but you know what sucks even more, staying when I know I’m not being valued. Staying with someone who can’t handle their own baggage or their own problems. Staying with someone who finds it so easy to lie instead of facing the truth. Staying when every day felt like I was losing a part of myself.

What sucks even more, is staying with someone who doesn’t make me a better person. Staying when I know I can find someone else who wants to give me the world. A world where I don’t have to apologize for my heart or regret trusting someone or giving someone my all. Someone who can’t picture his world without me in it.

It sucks that your memory is now grimy and dusty….but I guess that’s how I became clean. I had to see who you really were underneath all the glitz and the glam. At the end of the day, an empty heart, an empty soul will never recognize a heart that’s full of love. A shallow heart will never understand a deep one. A selfish heart can never give. A dead heart can never beat.

In 2019, I’m Leading With Faith

 

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Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

In 2019, I’m putting all my faith in God. I’m going to let him guide me without trying to interfere with his plans. I’m not going to keep knocking on the doors he decided to close. I’m not going to rush things anymore because I’ve learned to trust his timing. No matter how much I want things, his timing will always bring the best results. His timing will always make the imperfect situations perfect.

In 2019, I’m following his signs. Without trying to change the direction. Without trying to manipulate what these signs mean. Without trying to follow my own flawed sense of direction. I’m going to truly listen to his answers even if they’re not what I want to hear. I’m going to run to him when I feel lost.

In 2019, I’ll talk to him about my problems. I won’t talk to other people, I won’t keep getting advice from people who are just as confused and lost as I am. I’ll talk to him because he’s the only one who can fix them. He’s the only one who has a real solution. He’s the only one who can truly understand.

In 2019, I’m detaching. Detaching from what’s not meant for me. Detaching from all the expectations I had for myself and people. I’m detaching from trying to make everything work or having control over every single aspect in my life. I’m detaching from my own obsessions and my own demons.

In 2019, I’m trusting him more. Because God knows what’s in my heart. God knows what I need. He doesn’t need reminders. God doesn’t forget. I’m counting on him to make me whole again. I’m done trying to mend everything myself. I’m done trying to pretend like I know what’s best for me when I have the ultimate teacher waiting for me to put all my faith and trust in him. I have the ultimate healer.

In 2019, I’m leading with faith. Faith that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Faith that the new year will bring more blessings and more positive transformations into my life. Faith that even if things don’t work out the way I want them to, they’re still working out in my favor. Faith that I’ll eventually receive everything I’ve been asking for because that’s what faith does, it turns everything around.

Do Me A Favor And Know When To End Things

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Do me a favor and know when to end things.

When it causes you more pain than joy, end it.

When it makes you feel like you’re not good enough, end it.

When it doesn’t make you proud of who you are, end it.

When you know this is not what you deserve, end it.

Have the courage to end what doesn’t serve you well.

Have the courage to end anything that manipulates you into someone you’re not.

Have the kind of faith that gives you the power to believe that something better is on its way to you even if you can’t see it yet.

Muster the courage to walk away even if staying is more comfortable. Even if staying is all you really want to do.

Because as much as ending things that we’re attached to is difficult, sometimes holding on to them is toxic. It’s toxic to try and fix something that’s already broken. It’s toxic to try and change someone who wants to remain the same. It’s toxic to drain yourself out of love when you’re not getting what you truly desire out of it.

We don’t have to mourn all endings. Some endings may be hard to swallow at first but when you look past the pain, you see the wisdom and the lessons behind them, the new opportunities they brought you and the new person they shaped you into. When you look past the pain, you will find that endings can be celebrated too.

So do me a favor and know when to end things because nothing is worse than knowing you deserve more, knowing you can get a lot more than what you’re getting but you’re choosing to settle instead. Nothing is worse than being with someone who challenges everything you believe about love.

So do me a favor and know when to end things, especially if they make you love yourself a little less.

Do me a favor and choose to end things that don’t make you a better person. Do me a favor and choose yourself.  

2018, I’m Ready To Let You Go

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Photo by Megan Lewis on Unsplash

I’m ready.

I’m ready to let you go. I’m so ready to let you go. You weren’t the easiest or the happiest and I’m ready to say goodbye to everything you’ve brought. I’m ready to let go of the parts of you that disappointed me, the people who let me down, the moments that I couldn’t hold myself together and the times when I almost gave up on myself.

I learned.

You taught me a few important lessons the hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever predictable, especially people. You taught me that family could easily diminish your value in a moment of anger, friends could replace you when they find their significant other, people can lie to your heart and break it just to mend theirs, but most of all you taught me how to stand alone, which will always be the hardest lesson for me, but you proved to me that the only person I can control is me and the only person I can really count on is also me. You taught me not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much. You taught me that I have to always guard myself even from the closest people to my heart. But…..

I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the pain, the betrayal, the unpleasant surprises, and the confusion. I forgive you for the countless nights you made me sleep with tears in my eyes. I forgive you for making the happy times short-lived. I forgive you for not going the way I wanted you to go. Maybe there is something about you that will help me in the years to come. Maybe as much as I want to forget you, you will be the year I look back on to avoid future disasters or think twice before getting close to someone again or maybe you’ll be the year that brought me closer to myself and that will make all the difference. However…

I appreciate you.

You still brought me a lot of blessings. A lot of laughter. A lot of unforgettable moments and people. A lot of memories that will make me smile for years to come. Ironically, as much as you made me feel dead inside, you brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before. You had your way of making up for the bad times or the hard times and I appreciate you for making a few things better. I appreciate you for giving me just enough to keep going, to keep believing, to look forward to what’s coming next and to have faith that the best is yet to come.

I’m going to get over you.

I’m already healing from your wounds. I’m already looking ahead. I’m done living in your sob story. I’m done being your victim. I’m done letting you take so much space and energy. I’m done dwelling on all the things I didn’t do and all the dreams you didn’t let me live. I’m done trying to make everything happen before you end.

You weren’t the year for me and it’s time to move on. It’s time to let you go.

2019 —

I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what you hold for me, I don’t know if you’ll be better or worse, but I know that I’m ready for you. I’ve survived the worst and now I’m ready to write a new story on your empty pages, literally. I can only hope that this time, it’s going to be a happy one. I can only hope that this time, you are the year for me.