Tag: family

The Difference Between Us

The Difference Between Us

by Rania Naim ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I hope this is the year where you get reintroduced to yourself, your potential and your worth. I hope this is the year where you find the road to your wishes easier to navigate. I hope this is the year where all your (1)

The difference between us
is that I say how I truly feel
and you say what I want to hear
and somewhere in the middle
we failed to understand each other.

The difference between us
is that I find homes in people
and you find excuses
and somewhere in between
I found myself closing my door

The difference between us
is I walk away when I’m confused
but you convince people that you’re sure
but eventually your hesitation prevailed
and it became harder to trust you

The difference between us
is that I heal myself when I’m broken
but you break people when you’re hurt
and then my heart starts to wonder
if this is where it truly belongs

The difference between us
is that I don’t find joy in dishonesty
and you find pleasure in deception
but eventually your manipulation
brought the end of our story

The difference between us
is that you expect me to wait
and I expect you to show up
but somehow your absence made more sense
and I found myself much happier without you

2019, I’m Ready To Let You Go

2019, I’m Ready To Let You Go

by Rania Naim ♥ 1 Comment

Screen Shot 2019-11-25 at 5.20.09 PM

2019, I’m ready to let you go.

This time, I’m saying goodbye to what could be the most challenging year of my life. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was challenging. It gave me so much to remember yet so much to forget. It brought me so much joy but also a lot of tears. It gave me so much to be thankful for but took away a few valuable things.

2019, this is my bittersweet farewell to you.

Farewell to the day I had to break my own heart because I knew deep down I wasn’t getting the kind of love I deserved. I had to choose myself instead of settling for being an option to someone else. I had to pick being alone again over someone who was never going to value me or make an effort to be in my life. I had to once again admit to myself that I made the wrong choice and it was not too late to right my wrongs. It’s never too late to realize that you made a mistake because you can always make things right again. Farewell to the day I had to break my own heart to save it. Farewell to the day I decided to do things the hard way because I wasn’t ready to lose myself again in the arms of the wrong person and I wasn’t ready to go back on what I always believed in just to make someone else happy. Especially someone who didn’t take my happiness very seriously.

Farewell to the days I saw my loved ones suffer; either from illnesses or losses or painful experiences. The days that make you reevaluate your life and your choices. The days that make you reflect on the meaning of life and security. The days that teach you the hard way that you’re not always in control and that God will always have the last word. The days you’re never prepared for but have to face anyway and utilize all your strength, faith, wisdom, patience and resilience. The days that present you with the hardest tests in life, the ones you didn’t study for, the ones you need to pass anyway. The ones that force you to burst every bubble and step out of your comfort zone. Farewell to the days that broke my heart in irreparable ways.

But more than anything, farewell to the old me, the person I was before this year started, the person who was fearful and confused and scared. The person who didn’t know if they could start over or make things happen or walk away from certain people. Farewell to the person who was stuck either professionally or personally or romantically because if 2019 taught me anything, it’s that if you can take every challenge, every setback, every painful heartbreak, every loss, every tragedy and every missed opportunity as a sign that you need to grow or change your life or yourself and you actually do something about it, then you’ll never have a bad year. You’ll always win even if you don’t have the right cards dealt for you as long as you learn how to play them. And if you can search for the truth within you and among others even if it hurts, you won’t lose yourself, you won’t end up living a lie. You won’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

Farewell 2019, the year that forced me to find myself and my truth, to stand on my own, to watch everything I feared unfold before my eyes, to make all the difficult decisions that I was running away from, to protect my own heart by breaking it over and over again and still survive, and still hope, and still dream of better and bigger things.

2019 will always be the year that tried to kill me but I survived and the year that prepared me for whatever challenges 2020 plans on bringing, but for now, all I can hope for, just like I do every year, is for 2020 to be kind. I hope 2020 is the calm after the storm. I hope 2020 is the year I thrive but regardless of what it plans on bringing, I’m ready.

2020, I’m so ready for you!

2018, I’m Ready To Let You Go

2018, I’m Ready To Let You Go

by Rania Naim ♥ 2 Comments
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Photo by Megan Lewis on Unsplash

I’m ready.

I’m ready to let you go. I’m so ready to let you go. You weren’t the easiest or the happiest and I’m ready to say goodbye to everything you’ve brought. I’m ready to let go of the parts of you that disappointed me, the people who let me down, the moments that I couldn’t hold myself together and the times when I almost gave up on myself.

I learned.

You taught me a few important lessons the hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever predictable, especially people. You taught me that family could easily diminish your value in a moment of anger, friends could replace you when they find their significant other, people can lie to your heart and break it just to mend theirs, but most of all you taught me how to stand alone, which will always be the hardest lesson for me, but you proved to me that the only person I can control is me and the only person I can really count on is also me. You taught me not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much. You taught me that I have to always guard myself even from the closest people to my heart. But…..

I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the pain, the betrayal, the unpleasant surprises, and the confusion. I forgive you for the countless nights you made me sleep with tears in my eyes. I forgive you for making the happy times short-lived. I forgive you for not going the way I wanted you to go. Maybe there is something about you that will help me in the years to come. Maybe as much as I want to forget you, you will be the year I look back on to avoid future disasters or think twice before getting close to someone again or maybe you’ll be the year that brought me closer to myself and that will make all the difference. However…

I appreciate you.

You still brought me a lot of blessings. A lot of laughter. A lot of unforgettable moments and people. A lot of memories that will make me smile for years to come. Ironically, as much as you made me feel dead inside, you brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before. You had your way of making up for the bad times or the hard times and I appreciate you for making a few things better. I appreciate you for giving me just enough to keep going, to keep believing, to look forward to what’s coming next and to have faith that the best is yet to come.

I’m going to get over you.

I’m already healing from your wounds. I’m already looking ahead. I’m done living in your sob story. I’m done being your victim. I’m done letting you take so much space and energy. I’m done dwelling on all the things I didn’t do and all the dreams you didn’t let me live. I’m done trying to make everything happen before you end.

You weren’t the year for me and it’s time to move on. It’s time to let you go.

2019 —

I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what you hold for me, I don’t know if you’ll be better or worse, but I know that I’m ready for you. I’ve survived the worst and now I’m ready to write a new story on your empty pages, literally. I can only hope that this time, it’s going to be a happy one. I can only hope that this time, you are the year for me.

I Hope You Know That You Always Have A Choice

I Hope You Know That You Always Have A Choice

by Rania Naim ♥ 1 Comment
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Unsplash/Jéssica Oliveira

I hope you know that you always have a choice.

I hope you understand that you are capable of changing your life even if the odds are against you. I hope you know that there are people out there who are willing to help you and guide you until you make it on your own. I hope you know that the kind of happiness you’re looking for is not out of reach.

I hope you still remember what happiness looks like, what it feels like and what it means to you because life has a way of making you forget and life has a way of making you believe that you don’t deserve it. I hope you still have the courage to fight for that happiness and fight for that life. I hope you don’t make settling a habit just because it’s easier. I hope you don’t make pain a permanent friend just because it’s been with you for a while. I hope you understand that pain is there to make you grow instead of making you suffer.

I hope you know that you always have a choice.

I hope you don’t give up on your love story just because all your previous stories ended in heartbreak. I hope you still believe in the kind of love that softens your heart and makes you trust again. The kind of love that brings out the depths of your emotions, the beauty of your soul and the kindness of your heart. The kind of love that doesn’t remind you of everything that’s wrong with the world. I hope you find the kind of love that restores your faith in romance. The kind of love that stands by you and makes you feel at home.

And I hope you have the courage to leave the kind of love that poisons your heart. The kind of love that forces you to hide who you are or play games or question yourself. I hope you can still take your heart back from those who destroyed it.

I hope you know that you always have a choice.

But more than anything, I hope you never give up on yourself. Your dreams. Your happiness. Your ideas. Your feelings. Your voice. And I hope you know that they matter. Please don’t discount them. Please don’t forget them. Please don’t let your mistakes define you.

I hope you can forgive yourself. I hope you don’t forget your worth because of a few mistakes or a few people who couldn’t love you. I hope you read this and remember that you’re here to evolve. You’re here to learn. You’re not here to be perfect. You’re not here to do everything right.

I hope you know that you always have a choice.

And I hope that in the coldest of moments, you choose to show the world your warmth. And in the midst of all tragedies, you choose to show the world your faith.

And through it all, I hope you always choose yourself. 

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I Am Slowly Learning That I Don’t Have To Believe The Stories Others Have Written About Me

I Am Slowly Learning That I Don’t Have To Believe The Stories Others Have Written About Me

by Rania Naim ♥ 3 Comments
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Unsplash/Mark Alexandrovich

I am slowly learning that I don’t have to believe the stories others have written about me. I don’t have to be the character they want to be. I don’t have to give them the happy ending they want. It’s not their story. It’s mine and I won’t let them take the pen away from me again.

They want to paint me as the villain so they can sleep better at night or they want to paint me as the victim so they can feel powerful and victorious. They want to paint me as the crazy, rebellious, lost soul so they can feel like they have someone to guide whereas they’re the ones who really need guidance. They want to paint me as the inconsiderate, heartless kid so they can justify the hurtful words they said.

I am slowly learning that some people will always mold you into their story the way they want it to be because everyone wants to be the hero in their own story, no one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to write the truth. Everyone wants to write the reality they wish they were living and when you give them something that changes that narrative, they will do their best to write you off because changing their script means facing realities they’ve neglected for years. Changing their script means starting over. Changing their script means exposing their lies and some people out there love living a lie — a fabricated story they tell people so they can glorify themselves.

But I am slowly learning that I’m not like that. I write my story the way it is even if it hurts. I don’t write lies and believe them. I don’t write a fake reality so I can impress people. I write everything they erase. I write all the words they don’t want me to say out loud. I tell the stories they don’t want anyone to know. I don’t sugarcoat their bitterness.

And maybe that’s why they paint me as the villain and maybe I’m okay with that because a person who has already lost everything has nothing more to lose and even if they break all my fingers, I’m not giving them the pen again because my story will always glorify my honesty and their story will always glorify their lies. And maybe that’s why we can’t read the same story and maybe that’s why our story is finally over.