Letter Fourteen from my book All The Letters I Should Have Sent.
Let me tell you how I did it. Let me tell you how I got your ghosts out of my system.
I stopped thinking about you late at night when I was alone wishing you were there so I could talk to you. I started talking to my best friends. I started reading. I started writing. Because I realized they’ve all been there for me in all the ways you weren’t and they’re still here with me but you’re gone.
I stopped staring at my phone when something good happens hoping you would say something and I stopped staring at it when something bad happens tempted to call you and tell you about it because you never wanted to celebrate with me and you never wanted to give me a shoulder to cry on when my tears wouldn’t stop falling.
I remembered that I couldn’t count on you to make me smile when you’re the ones who made me cry.
I stopped comparing anyone I met to you. I stopped believing in the same spark that burned me—the flames that turned to ashes.
I’m done living in this illusion I’ve created with you and I’m ready to face my new reality without you.
And finally, I stopped thinking that you’ll come back one day. I stopped wanting you to fight for me because the truth is, I don’t want a fight—love shouldn’t be about fighting and it shouldn’t be a war. It shouldn’t be a battle of who cares more and who’s going to fall harder. It shouldn’t be about winning and losing.
And if it is, then I don’t want it. Maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that love should be easy, it should be simple and clear. It shouldn’t be all questions and games and it shouldn’t leave you wondering or waiting.
And maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that love should be magic and it should leave you in awe.
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