Tag Archives: self-improvement

Fall: A Season To Rise Again

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It’s that time of the year again. Fall, my favorite season. The sound of my feet brushing through the leaves, the smell of the trees along with the light breeze that rejuvenates my soul and reminds me of new beginnings and fresh starts. It reminds me of rebirth and transformation. It reminds me that sometimes when things fall, they bring beauty, charm and comfort and it somehow resembles the changes in my life. The seasons I go through. My internal transformation. My very own rebirth.

It’s that time of the year again. When I look back on all seasons and realize how each one of them brought a different lesson, how each one of them taught me something vital. Winter brought a sense of freedom, I released all the burdens of the year before and decided to start with a little bit of lightness and peace of mind, somehow I liked not being tied down to anything. I liked not being with anyone. I liked enjoying my life and focusing on my own needs. I liked getting to know myself all over again.

Then spring came along with its sunshine, rainbows, butterflies and renewed hopes and dreams. I had amazing connections, met wonderful people and opened up my heart again and it reminded me that I’m still capable of letting people in, being vulnerable and giving even when the old heartbreak still stings. I believed in my heart again. I believed in my ability to recover and just like spring, my heart and my feelings bloomed again just when I thought they were dead.

Then came summer with all its heat and a few waves came crashing down on me that I no longer had the urge to swim but what summer teaches you is there is always a new day, there is always a new adventure, there is always a new trip and love will always be around you. Summer came and I was reminded that if you have the right friends, the right people around you, there’s nothing you can’t survive and there’s nothing you can’t overcome because those are the people that will help you face the biggest waves in your life and you will never drown.

And here comes fall as I am standing on my feet feeling alive again. I curled up with my winter resilience and basked in the sweet taste of spring and washed off the turbulent waves of summer and they all led me here. All the lessons, all the memories, all the tears, all the confusion, all the laughter, all the disappointments and all the surprises I didn’t see coming. They all contributed to my transformation. They all shaped me up and reaffirmed what I’ve always known that if you don’t take care of yourself, if you don’t know how to survive on your own, you’ll never be able to adapt to the seasons of your life and find the joy in each one. You will never be able to warm yourself up in winter or transform into a butterfly in spring or swim through the ebb and flow of summer and you will definitely not be able to liberate yourself as you walk through the breezy days of fall.

It’s that time of the year again. Fall, my favorite season and a dichotomy between the meaning of the word and what it truly embodies. The word ‘fall’ signifies things falling apart or falling down but somehow it’s the season where I rise again, it’s the season where I put myself together again, it’s the season where I do a little movie scene of my own. I’m standing across the fallen leaves, the wind blowing in my hair, I look up the sky with arms wide open and I do a happy dance. I’m alive and breathing. I’m liberated. I free myself from the shackles of my mind. I accept everything that happened. There’s no need to dwell anymore. There’s no need to fight back. There’s no need to find answers. I know my rebirth is just around the corner.

It’s that time of the year again. Fall, my favorite season. A season to let go. A season to start over. A season to hope for more. A season to dream. A season to love your journey. A season to be proud of how far you’ve come. A season to heal your wounds. And ironically a season to rise again higher than you could ever imagine.

“It’s Like You Don’t Know How To Feel Anymore”

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Unsplash/Tyler Nix

A few days ago, I saw a psychic reading special in my neighborhood — given how much I love psychics, I didn’t need a special to tempt me to go in for a reading but it was a good enough reason for me to get one. I haven’t had a reading in a while.

She started by analyzing my character and telling me a few things about my family, my childhood and my career, all too familiar, nothing I haven’t heard before but this time, when it came to predicting my love life, she just paused, took a long heavy sigh and said “well my dear it looks like you don’t know how to feel anymore, why is that?”

At first, I wanted to tell her that if she’s a real psychic, she should know but I held back my sarcasm and just told her I don’t know. I make a living out of feeling too much and writing my feelings down. She was surprised and confused, held my palm closer and told me “You just don’t know how to feel anymore.” At that point, I knew I wasn’t going to change her mind and I was ready to get this reading over with before she tells me I need to heal my aura for $300 to remove any love blockages.

On my way back though, it hit me, was the psychic actually, right? Do I not know how to feel anymore? Or am I just afraid of my own feelings?

Her comment bothered me for a reason, there must be some truth to it because deep down I know, my heart is not the same anymore.

All I did for the past five years was learn how to let go, how to move on, how to start over, how to love myself, work on myself, be independent and be strong. Mending everything my heart once destroyed. Putting back together everything my feelings once shattered.

All my experiences haven’t been smooth or easy and every year has been more of a battlefield than a playground. This whole process of self-improvement and personal development and trying to fix what others broke is draining. Granted, it’s worth it but it takes everything you’ve got to fight back, to believe, to keep trying, to keep smiling or keep breathing.

Of course I don’t know how to feel anymore, of course I’m scared of my own feelings because of the time and effort it took to embrace standing alone, because of the battles I’ve fought to live a life that makes me happy, because of the energy I’ve used up to be somewhat resilient. 

It’s true that sometimes when you focus on one thing, you lose something else in return and in this case, I think I lost the appetite to feel deeply or get attached to my emotions. I think I forgot how to trust my heart. How to be vulnerable. To let myself go. To surrender to such powerful emotions. I’m always trying to hold back. Always having one foot out the door. Always ready to walk away.

But here’s what I know for sure, that maybe I don’t know how to feel right now, but when the time is right and my walls come crashing down one by one, I will begin to trust my heart blindly again. All the feelings will come rushing back home. All those pent-up emotions will safely resurface. All those fears will subside and following my heart will not be another recipe for disaster.

And even though right now I may not know how to feel, I can still feel that it’s all coming back to me soon. I think I’ve done my fair share of learning and healing. It’s all coming together because, at the end of the day, you cannot lose something that was once ingrained in you.

You cannot run away from who you really are.

I Hope You Never Stop Falling In Love With Your Journey

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Unsplash/Matthew Hamilton

I know you’re tired. I know you’re ready to give up and throw in the towel because you’ve had enough. I know that sometimes even the most comforting words from the closest people don’t take the pain away. I know it’s been one hell of a ride and you’re ready to just drop everything and leave but I hope you don’t see this as the end. I hope you still have the fire inside of you that pushed you to start in the first place. To fight for your life. To fight for your happiness. To take the road less traveled. I hope you find that fire again that once fueled you to run and chase the life of your dreams. I hope you don’t get tired of trying and starting over because you’re one step closer to finding your treasure. Your journey doesn’t end with pain. Your journey ends with victory if you keep finding the strength to persevere.

I hope you remain hopeful. I hope you’re still brimming with excitement about your future and the glorious opportunities life still has in store for you. I hope you never stop trusting the universe. I hope you never lose faith in God. I hope you never stop believing that the best is yet to come.

I know you’re heartbroken. I know you keep building walls instead of bridges. I know you’re fine on your own and you don’t need anyone but I hope you never stop believing in love. I hope that the right smile still touches your heart and the right eyes still capture your soul. I hope you still believe people when they tell you they love you. I hope you know how lovable you really are. I hope your heart still beats when you get that text or that call. I hope you can still open up. I hope you didn’t let the wrong ones close you off from the right one. I hope you’re still looking for that magical connection.

And I hope you’re still looking for magic, period! I hope you know that life will never look like a fairytale and your timing will never perfectly align with your desires but I hope you know that this journey ends with victory. Your journey ends with joy. Maybe at times, it can be too chaotic, too dramatic or too difficult but it’s also too beautiful, too amazing and most of all, full of marvelous surprises. And I hope you still love surprises because the best moments in life will always be the ones that take us completely by surprise.