Rania Naim

Rania Naim

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Rania Naim

Rania Naim

Instagram @ranianaim

Maybe he really loved you. Maybe she really cared. He probably wasn’t lying when he said you were special. She probably was telling the truth when she told you she needed you. Maybe he was truly afraid of losing you. Maybe she did see a future with you. Maybe everything that was said at the moment was true. Maybe they weren’t all lies. Maybe all these promises were never meant to be broken. But here’s what makes all the difference, here’s the one question you should always ask yourself — Where are they now? Why didn’t they stay? Why didn’t they hold on? Why weren’t they beside you when you didn’t have anyone by your side? Why did he leave? Why did she walk away? Because he can be prince charming when things are pretty and she can be your biggest fan when you’re saying all the right things, but when the ride gets bumpy and the road gets darker and you’re lost in the middle of nowhere you’ll need someone who shows up for you. Someone who stays with you until you find your way home or someone who gets lost with you. Because you’ve been walking alone and you’re good at it. You know how to get around and you know you will eventually find your way but if you’re going to pick someone to join you don’t pick the one who is going to drop you off at the nearest exit, pick the one who will stick around till the end. Pick the one who blasts the music so loud to silence your fears. Pick the one who holds your hand and tells you you’re almost there. Pick the one who will go anywhere with you. So here's your closure; it’s not about whether or not they meant what they said or whether their feelings were true. It’s about where they are now Are they here with you? or are they driving away? And if they drove away please keep walking alone. You don’t need another temporary passenger. You don’t need another fictitious closure.

Maybe my heart is not the same anymore. All I did for the past five years was learn how to let go, how to move on, how to start over, how to love myself, work on myself, be independent and be strong. Mending everything my heart once destroyed. Putting back together everything my feelings once shattered. All my experiences haven’t been smooth or easy and every year has been more of a battlefield than a playground. This whole process of self-improvement and personal development and trying to fix what others broke is draining. Granted, it’s worth it but it takes everything you’ve got to fight back, to believe, to keep trying, to keep smiling or keep breathing. Of course I don’t know how to feel anymore, of course I’m scared of my own feelings because of the time and effort it took to embrace standing alone, because of the battles I’ve fought to live a kind of life that makes me happy, because of the energy I’ve used up to be somewhat resilient. It’s true that sometimes when you focus on one thing, you lose something else in return and in this case, I think I lost the appetite to feel deeply or get attached to my emotions. I think I forgot how to trust my heart. How to be vulnerable. To let myself go. To surrender to such powerful emotions. I’m always trying to hold back. Always having one foot out the door. Always ready to walk away. But here’s what I know for sure, that maybe I don’t know how to feel right now, but when the time is right and my walls come crashing down one by one, I will begin to trust my heart blindly again. All the feelings will come rushing back home. All those pent-up emotions will safely resurface. All those fears will subside and following my heart will not be another recipe for disaster. And even though right now I may not know how to feel, I can still feel that it’s all coming back to me soon. I think I’ve done my fair share of learning and healing. It’s all coming together because, at the end of the day, you cannot lose something that was once ingrained in you. You cannot run away from who you really are.

I hope you know that you always have a choice. I hope you understand that you are capable of changing your life even if the odds are against you. I hope you know that there are people out there who are willing to help you and guide you until you make it on your own. I hope you still remember what happiness looks like, what it feels like and what it means to you because life has a way of making you forget and life has a way of making you believe that you don’t deserve it. I hope you don’t make settling a habit just because it’s easier. I hope you don’t make pain a permanent friend just because it’s been with you for a while. I hope you don’t give up on your love story just because all your previous stories ended in heartbreak. I hope you still believe in the kind of love that softens your heart and makes you trust again. The kind of love that doesn’t remind you of everything that’s wrong with the world. And I hope you have the courage to leave the kind of love that poisons your heart. The kind of love that forces you to hide who you are or play games or question yourself. I hope you can still take your heart back from those who destroyed it. But more than anything, I hope you never give up on yourself. Your dreams. Your happiness. Your ideas. Your feelings. Your voice. And I hope you know that they matter. I hope you can forgive yourself. I hope you don’t forget your worth because of a few mistakes or a few people who couldn’t love you. I hope you read this and remember that you’re here to evolve. You’re here to learn. You’re not here to be perfect. You’re not here to do everything right. I hope you know that you always have a choice. And I hope that in the coldest of moments, you choose to show the world your warmth. And in the midst of all tragedies, you choose to show the world your faith. And through it all, I hope you always choose yourself.

I know we’re only halfway through the year but I can already sum up what the last 7 months were trying to teach me in three words; lead with faith. I’ve never been much of a planner but for the past 3 years I planned everything to a T because all I wanted was for my life to be in order and fall into place because I was tired of running around and being lost and just going with the flow. I was always worried about tomorrow, about how many hours I have left in the day to go through all my plans, about how many months left until I’m one year older with a societal checklist I needed to strike off so I can catch up with all my friends who got married, had kids and are planning their next family vacation to Europe. I was beginning to lose sight of what I wanted for myself because I was told that I needed to be more organized, more logical, more put together and more traditional. I was told that I needed to be anything but myself. And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t work for me, after all, there’s a reason why people conform, it’s easier there. It’s a little bit more predictable. It’s a little less chaotic. Until I was standing one day looking at the cookie as it crumbles piece by piece right in front of my eyes. Watching everything I’ve ever built collapse. Watching all my plans make a U-turn. Watching every single dream of mine evaporate. And then it hit me, I planned for everything but I forgot to plan for the day when all the plans stop working. But today, as I begin to pick up the pieces slowly, I can safely say I’m leading with. I still don’t know my final destination. I still have a lot of things to fix but I am leading with faith and it’s making me feel alive again. Faith that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Faith that the things I thought I lost were actually triumphs in disguise. Faith that those hard 7 months were exactly the fuel I needed to take off and land somewhere new. Faith that the change I need in my life is coming and it’s going to be bigger and brighter than what I had planned for myself. Because that’s the beauty of leading with faith, it rewards you in the end. You don’t lose when you lead with faith. You can only win.

“CHANGE THE NARRATIVE. CHANGE THE FUTURE.” #sponsored by @Reebok. Your voice can make a difference. Your story can change someone’s life. Your bold choices can empower others to do the same. That’s what Reebok’s #BEMOREHUMAN campaign stands for. @Reebok believes that through movement, we can unlock our true human potential and empower each other through our words, our actions and our choices. It resonates with my story, choosing to be a writer and deciding to share my personal stories and experiences was terrifying in the beginning until I found the courage to be proud of my scars and write the words I was always afraid of saying. Through my writings, I realized that women face the same challenges and struggles and we all fight back in different ways but what sets us apart is how we become even stronger when we fall down without ever losing our compassion and vulnerability. The way we change our narrative and the way we tell our stories will always set the tone for our future and inspire others to change or rewrite their own. Reebok’s ‘Women’s First’ approach and their latest #BeMoreHuman campaign celebrates strong, game-changing females who are transforming themselves and the community around them. @ReebokWomen continues to inspire and empower women to embrace their power and use their voice to make a difference. Women have always been game-changers and capable of not only transforming their own lives but the lives of those around them. ‘Change the narrative. Change the future’ has always been my motto in my life and my writings. I am delighted that the #BeMoreHuman campaign has provided me with the opportunity to showcase my message and my motto and be part of their empowering movement along with all the other strong and inspiring women making a difference. What’s your message? What’s your story? Share them with me and JOIN THE WOMEN MAKING CHANGE NOW because you are here to change someone’s life. You are here to change the world. Find more inspiring and uplifting T-shirts on Reebok.com/BEMOREHUMAN. 100% of proceeds from the campaign t-shirts will go to the Women’s Strength Coalition and the Movemeant Foundation. #BeMoreHuman #Reebok #ReebokWomen

I am slowly learning that I don’t have to believe the stories others have written about me. I don’t have to be the character they want to be. I don’t have to give them the happy ending they want. It’s not their story. It’s mine and I won’t let them take the pen away from me again. They want to paint me as the villain so they can sleep better at night or they want to paint me as the victim so they can feel powerful and victorious. They want to paint me as the crazy, rebellious, lost soul so they can feel like they have someone to guide whereas they’re the ones who really need guidance. They want to paint me as the inconsiderate, heartless kid so they can justify the hurtful words they said. I am slowly learning that some people will always mold you into their story the way they want it to be because everyone wants to be the hero in their own story, no one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to write the truth. Everyone wants to write the reality they wish they were living and when you give them something that changes that narrative, they will do their best to write you off because changing their script means facing realities they’ve neglected for years. Changing their script means starting over. Changing their script means exposing their lies and some people out there love living a lie — a fabricated story they tell people so they can glorify themselves. But I am slowly learning that I’m not like that. I write my story the way it is even if it hurts. I don’t write lies and believe them. I don’t write a fake reality so I can impress people. I write everything they erase. I write all the words they don’t want me to say out loud. I tell the stories they don’t want anyone to know. I don’t sugarcoat their bitterness. And maybe that’s why they paint me as the villain and maybe I’m okay with that because a person who has already lost everything has nothing more to lose and even if they break all my fingers, I’m not giving them the pen again because my story will always glorify my honesty and their story will always glorify their lies. And maybe that’s why we can’t read the same story and maybe that’s why our story is finally over.

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