Rania Naim

Rania Naim

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Rania Naim

Rania Naim

Instagram @ranianaim

Maybe there’s still another lesson for me to learn with you. Maybe there’s still another story waiting to unfold. Maybe this was meant to be an intermission, not a goodbye. Maybe there’s a reason why I keep going back to you. Maybe we still have unfinished business. Maybe there’s a part of you that still searches for me. Maybe avoiding you is not the answer after all. Maybe we still have more adventures to go on now that we’ve healed. Maybe we still need each other because we couldn’t fill that void with anyone else. Maybe we miss each other even though we’re not allowed to say it out loud. Maybe we’re not supposed to pretend that we’re okay when we’re not. Maybe the universe caught wind of our lies. Maybe this whole thing isn’t over yet. Maybe this time we could go back to every place we cried in and find happiness again. Maybe this time we could try to remember the things that made us fall in love with each other in the first place. Maybe this time we could try to appreciate the things we took for granted. Maybe this time we could try to be patient. We could try to be kind. Maybe this whole time we didn’t know any better. Maybe this whole time we were foolish. Maybe this is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Maybe this time, it’s truly a one-way ticket. Maybe this time we could find love again in every corner that once broke our hearts. Photo:@unsplash

You always told me that I’m a tough one, that if anyone can make it out of the storm alive, it’s me. You always believed in me a little too much. You always made me feel invincible even on my weakest days, but today, it’s my turn to return the favor. Today it’s my turn to tell you what you’ve always told me. Today I want to tell you that I’ve always admired you. I admire your strength that carried us through the toughest battles. I admire your light that led us through the darkest nights. I admire your compassion that forgave us through our worst behaviors. I admire your love that never crumbled when we made you suffer. I admire your smile that gave us hope throughout the saddest moments. I admire you because you do everything I can’t do. You do everything that terrifies me so fearlessly. Today I want to tell you that I’ve always watched you when you weren’t looking. I watched you rise up after every fall. I watched you fight your toughest battles alone. I watched you ask people to lean on you when you needed someone to lean on. I watched you give all your love away without asking for anything in return. I watched how selfless and patient you were and how you dealt with everything that could break any human being in the most empowering way. I’ve always watched you so I could become, at least, half the person you are today. Today I want to tell you that I can only hope. I hope that one day you can let me reverse our roles. You finally let me carry you through your burdens, you finally count on my strength when you can’t find your own, you finally count on my love and support when you feel like you don't have anyone else to run to and I hope that one day you can let me return at least a fraction of your favors, a fraction of your love or a fraction of your kindness. And I hope this day is today. Because today, I want to tell you that even if this whole world betrays you, you will always have me. That if things fall apart and you feel like you have to fight your battles alone, that you will always be safe because I’ll be here fighting for you. Fighting alongside you. I’m good at it. You taught me how.

Girls who come from broken homes are always questioning how someone really feels about them, what their true intentions are, what their true colors are really like and if it’s only a matter of time before they walk away because they know that scenario all too well. They know that promises can be broken and that love can easily die. They’ve seen their home slowly collapse. Girls who come from broken homes don’t always know what’s it like to be whole, a piece of them is always lost, a piece of them is always broken and a piece of them is always trying to remember what it felt like to be part of something, to belong, to have a real shelter from everything that’s wrong with the world. Girls who come from broken homes were taught that love is meaningless, that love hurts and that they’re better off on their own. They were taught to never need a man too much or believe in happily ever after. They were taught to guard their hearts because love only brings pain. Love only brings suffering and a healthy relationship doesn’t exist. Girls who come from broken homes got used to the stereotypical labels; damaged, dramatic, daddy issues, complicated, tough, hard to handle. But the truth is, as much as they could be hard to love, they love the hardest. Their love is unmatched. Once they love, they will give everything they’ve been missing, everything they’ve been needing and everything they’ve been suppressing. Once they love, they vow to make it work. They vow to fill their home with the love they didn’t feel in their own. They vow to never make their partner feel neglected because they know how it feels and they vow to always keep the relationship intact, to never let themselves live through another broken home again. Girls who come from broken homes rarely fall in love, but once they do, they will make it their happily ever after. They vow to make this one last forever. They vow to make their home, the one they always dreamed of. The one they always longed for. The one that’s too strong and too secure to ever break.

Here's what they don't tell you about growing up. They don’t tell you that at times, you will find yourself at a crossroads and you will have to count on your intuition and your gut to lead you. They don’t tell you that even if you have all the signs in the world, if you don’t think a road is for you, you will have to walk another one alone. They don’t tell you that sometimes you will find yourself in the middle of nowhere, living a life you didn’t wish for, doing things you said you’d never do just to make ends meet, just to survive, just to live another day. They don’t tell you that love gets more complicated as you get older, it’s not the romance that will sweep you off your feet, it’s not the fairytale you imagined when you were fourteen dreaming of a white picket fence and a knight in shining armor. After a few heartbreaks, your heart begins to change. You think too much before giving someone a chance, you’re always guarding your heart even when you’re falling in love, you’re always thinking about the moment they leave or the moment you have to walk away. You’re always hoping for the best but expecting the worst. You’re always second-guessing their feelings and your own. You’re always ready to be alone again. They don’t tell you that you will have to accept that certain things are over; the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the family portrait, the ideal friendships. They don’t tell you that things can change overnight and you will have to deal with the mess and the aftermath. But they also don’t tell you that as you get older, you get better at healing, you get better at learning, you get better at facing it all without losing your mind. You learn that life still goes on without some people. You learn that you can get caught up in a hurricane and come out of it unscathed. They don’t tell you that growing up is a project you’ll have to work on for the rest of your life, but the good news is, you’ll always find within you what it takes to complete that project. You’ll always find within you what it takes to do it yourself. They don’t tell you that growing up is a lot tougher than you think, but so are you. Photo: @unsplash

It’s never a good idea to go back to the person who broke your heart. It’s never a good idea to trust someone who gave you more than one reason not to trust them. It’s never a good idea to let them back into your life hoping that they will change. It’s never a good idea to hand your heart to the same person who threw it away like it was nothing. It’s never a good idea to believe someone who lied to you a hundred times before. It’s never a good idea to believe their words and not watch their actions. It’s never a good idea to give them that right again; the right to get away with their lies, the right to come back into your life and continue to be dishonest and the right to take advantage of your kind heart again. It’s never a good idea to lean on them when times get rough because you know that they have a habit of disappointing you when you need them the most and you know they have a habit of causing you more pain. It’s never a good idea to ask them for support because you know it’s going to be temporary, you know that as soon as you start feeling better, they’ll go back to their old ways. You know that they will always put themselves first. It’s never a good idea to block other people out of your life because of them. People who could love you the way you want to be loved. People who are willing to give you exactly what you’re looking for. People who just want a real chance to win your heart. It’s never a good idea to break someone else’s heart for the person who broke yours. Look for someone who can heal your heart instead. It’s never a good idea to believe that the person who broke your heart is the same person who can fix it because sometimes the pain is too deep to forget, you can still hear their hurtful words, you can still feel your heart aching and no matter how forgiving you are, some things are just unforgivable and sometimes you can’t really repair the damage. You can’t really repair your heart. It’s never a good idea to go back to the person who broke your heart because nine times out of ten, they will break it again. Nine times out of ten, they will tell you everything you want to hear and go do the exact opposite.

If I have learned anything over the last few years, it’s that you have to always be ready to face certain battles alone. Your inner demons, your worst fears, and your own suffering because at the end of the day no one will truly understand your demons, no one will understand the damage, no one will understand the storms you hold within, no one will understand but you. If I have learned anything over the last few years, it’s that you can’t really predict what life will bring you because things can change overnight. One day you’re on cloud nine and the next day you’re hitting rock bottom. One day your phone lights up with the exact words you want to hear and the next day you're receiving the news you’ve been fearing. One day you're planning a future with someone and the next day you're packing your bags and leaving. One day it looks like you’re finally getting things right and the next day your life is turned upside down forcing you to start over. And I know that on some days you just want life to slow down, you wish that you could stop battling and start living. You want to be fought for instead of being the fighter, you want to be held instead of holding everything together and you want to be understood instead of drowning in a sea of your own confusion. But if you’re meant to face the hardest of battles alone, if you're meant to keep fighting with little to no help, then maybe it can only get better from there, you can only rebuild after destruction. You can only find peace after war. I guess what keeps me going is knowing that we all get what we deserve in the end, what we work so hard for and what our hearts truly desire. Because just as things can change for the worse overnight, they can also change for the better. Just as things suddenly disappear, life can magically hand you more blessings. And maybe you’re not meant to win every battle or get all the answers right but as long as you still know how to stand tall every time life knocks you down, you will prevail. Ironically, life becomes easier when you know that even if you lose all your battles, as long as you haven’t lost yourself, you’re still a winner.

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