Rania Naim

Rania Naim

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Rania Naim

Rania Naim

Instagram @ranianaim

In 2020, I hope you don’t let others dictate your life. I hope you take back your power from those who aren’t living your life and those who don’t know what’s best for you. I hope this is the year you finally become the writer of your own story from beginning to end. I hope this is the year you take your pen back and fill your pages with stories of everything you truly wanted to do. In 2020, I hope you take your heart back from those who couldn’t love you or those who didn’t choose you. I hope you’re not stuck replaying memories or remembering their favorite song or the way they made you feel. I hope you start the new year with them out of your system because if I’m being honest, if they’re not here with you, if they’re not trying to start their new year by your side then they don’t deserve another year of you thinking about them, another year of you missing them, another year of you wanting them back. I hope this is the year your self-love speaks for itself. I hope this is the year you find the kind of love that puts you first and chooses you and appreciates everything you were once judged for. I hope this is the year you don’t get to apologize for the way you love again. In 2020, I hope you become the hero of your own story every time life tries to knock you down. I hope you have learned that you are strong and resilient to face the toughest challenges alone. I hope you have learned that you’re soft and kind but you’re not a fool for anyone. I hope you have learned that you’re perfectly fine with being on your own if you’re not valued or respected or appreciated. I hope this is the year you begin and end the story on a happy note; a note that includes you overcoming challenges, finding your passion, finding yourself, getting closer to your dreams but most of all, I hope you surprise yourself by going further than you ever imagined and by being everything you once thought you’d never be. I hope this is the year for you. I hope this is the year you shine brighter than any other year.

You find peace when you move on from people who make you feel sorry for sharing your heart or giving your all. People who think your love is too much or too loud or too strong. People who can’t handle hearts like yours or force you to play unnecessary games. You find peace when you move on from those who don’t know how to love you or those who aren’t looking for the kind of love you’re looking for. You find peace when you free yourself from that kind of low vibrational love because it’s the one thing you’re not willing to compromise. It’s the one thing you can’t do halfway. You find peace when you move on from people who make you question the meaning of love and commitment. You find peace when you know how to detach from the people who want to love you in doses or those who want to use you or those who want to have you only when it’s convenient for them. You find peace when you choose to be alone instead of being in relationships that give you more headaches than butterflies. Because the truth is life is already draining in other ways and love is supposed to feel like a breath of fresh air, something that lifts you up, something that inspires you to become even better, even bolder, even softer and it should feel like a piece of heaven. You find peace when you leave low vibrational relationships because if you’re working on yourself and if you’re taking care of your mental health, you automatically reject anything and anyone that could shake what took you years to build. You reject anyone who doesn’t make you feel alive. You reject anyone who makes you doubt yourself or doubt love. You find peace when you let go of low vibrational relationships because that means you finally get it, you finally understand that when you make space for better things to come along, when you don’t settle, when you keep your vibrations high, you end up attracting exactly that. You attract a relationship that compliments everything you already are and these are always the best and healthiest relationships.

2019, I'm ready to let you go. Farewell to the day I had to break my own heart because I knew deep down I wasn’t getting the kind of love I deserved. I had to choose myself instead of settling for being an option to someone else. I had to pick being alone again over someone who was never going to value me. Farewell to the day I decided to do things the hard way because I wasn’t ready to lose myself again in the arms of the wrong person and I wasn’t ready to go back on what I always believed in just to make someone else happy. Farewell to the days I saw my loved ones suffer; either from illnesses or losses or painful experiences. The days that make you reevaluate your life and your choices. The days that teach you the hard way that you’re not always in control and that God will always have the last word. The days you’re never prepared for but have to face anyway. The days that present you with the hardest tests in life, the ones you didn’t study for but need to pass anyway. Farewell to the days that broke my heart in irreparable ways. But more than anything, farewell to the old me, the person I was before this year started, the person who was fearful, confused and scared. The person who didn’t know if they could start over or make things happen or walk away from certain people because if 2019 taught me anything, it’s that if you can take every challenge, every setback, every heartbreak, every loss and every missed opportunity as a sign that you need to change your life or yourself and you actually do something about it, then you’ll never have a bad year. You’ll always win even if you don’t have the right cards dealt for you if you learn how to play them. And if you can search for the truth within you and among others even if it hurts, you won’t lose yourself, you won’t end up living a lie. You won’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Farewell 2019, the year that forced me to find my truth, to stand on my own, to watch everything I feared unfold before my eyes, to make all the difficult decisions I was running away from and still survive, still hope, and still dream of better and bigger things. 2020, I'm ready for you!

I hope you know that you don’t have to explain your choices to anyone. Especially those committing to misunderstanding you or those expecting you to be someone who always plays it safe. I hope you know that you don’t have to stop yourself from doing what you want to do because someone else has a problem with it. I hope you don’t sacrifice your happiness because you’re afraid you might disappoint or upset others. I hope you know that people will rarely understand why you do the things you do because they’ve never been in your shoes. They don’t know what moves you. They don’t understand what makes you happy or how long you’ve been waiting for something to happen and they surely won’t understand your heart, why you love and forgive some people and why you let others go. I hope you know that people will always tell you things they don’t follow. I hope you know that people will take things they never had to endure lightly. I hope you know that you don’t have to repeatedly ask people not to meddle in your life or your choices. I hope you know that people will inhibit you if you keep putting their approval above your needs. I hope you know that even if your choices were wrong or your emotions took over or you did something out of character that you don’t need people’s forgiveness as long as you can forgive yourself. I hope you know that everyone you meet is also confused or still learning and you can’t always count on what they say or what they show. I hope you know that you’re the only one who’s going to live with your choices and you don’t have to defend them to those who are not going through your journey or dealing with your pain. I hope you never get trapped by their opinions and their judgments. I hope your choices always set you free. I hope you know that you don’t have to apologize to anyone for your choices as long as you’re willing to admit to yourself that you made a wrong choice and as long as you’re always redeeming yourself or learning because you don’t owe these people anything but you owe it all to yourself. You’re always one choice away from changing your life and I hope you know that it’s always YOUR choice, not anyone else’s.

The moment you lose respect for someone is the moment when everything changes. The moment where you stand there looking at someone you thought you knew well or someone you once admired or someone you once trusted and you still can’t believe that they turned out to be the person they promised you they’re never going to be. You laugh at the irony that on the day you told them about your fears, you were almost certain that they will never bring them to life. You were almost certain that you will never have that problem with them. You were almost certain that they wouldn't hurt you the way others did. The moment you lose respect for someone is the moment you blame yourself for seeing the same old patterns that once caused you pain and overlooked them. You saw the same red flags, the same inconsistency, the same excuses and you chose to look past them. You saw it coming but part of you was hoping you’d be wrong, part of you was hoping that your doubts were just in your head but part of you also knew that this felt familiar. Part of you knew this mask very well and knew what’s behind it even better. The moment you lose respect for someone is the moment you realize that you’ve run out of chances to give out to those who don’t know how to respect you or treat you right and it’s the moment they realize that you were right when you told them that once the respect is gone, you won’t be able to stay, you won’t be able to lower your standards and you won’t be able to give them your heart again because you can’t be with someone you don’t respect. You can’t be with someone you trusted with your bullets and they pulled the trigger on you with each one of them. The moment you lose respect for someone is the moment you realize that sometimes respect is more important than love, that once the respect is gone, the love slowly fades away, the passion evaporates and the spark burns out. It’s the moment you change the way you see them and once you change the way you see them, everything else changes because once you’ve lost respect for someone, you don’t want them in your life. You’re not the person who’s going to tolerate disrespect just because you love someone. Not anymore.

At the end of the day, God will always be the source of my strength. He’ll always be the source of hope that gets me through the toughest times. He’ll always be the source of courage that makes me want to get up in the morning and try again or try harder. He’ll always be the source of light when the road is dark and unclear. At the end of the day, God will always be the source of my optimism because I have faith in him. I have faith in his plans and his justice. I have faith in his lessons and his timing. I have faith in his losses and his blessings. I have faith in his guidance and in the path he chose for me. I have faith in his mercy and in his miracles. I have faith in him because every time I lost hope, he blessed me with something to be grateful for and every time I thought he was punishing me, he was actually releasing me from a poisonous cycle. And every time I felt dead inside, he brought me back to life. At the end of the day, God will always be the source of my happiness. When he listens to my prayers and answers them. When he redirects me to an even better destination than the one I had in mind. When he pushes me to bring out my talent or my strength or my resilience every time I’m close to giving up. When he nudges me to wake up and walk away from toxic people. When he helps me detach from the things that are not meant for me. At the end of the day, God will always be the source of my strength because he’s the only one who hears my most terrifying thoughts and calms me down and he’s the only one who reads my mind and knows what’s in my heart and somehow eases them. At the end of the day, God is always with me through the darkest and most painful times, I know he won’t abandon me and that gives me all the strength I need to power through and it makes me unafraid of falling down because he will always be right there to pick me up.

Writer & Poet

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