Rania Naim

Rania Naim

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Rania Naim

Rania Naim

Instagram @ranianaim

Self-love is not easy. It’s not something you can master overnight. It’s not something you can practice in a year or two. It’s an ongoing process. It’s a constant test. It’s a constant battle. It means learning how to walk away from the people who don’t appreciate you even if they’re all you need and think about. It means being brave enough to say no when everything inside you screams yes. It means choosing to walk alone instead of being around the wrong crowd. Self-love means setting boundaries and having difficult conversations and ending friendships and relationships that are not serving you well. It means suffering alone for a little while to find long-term happiness. Sometimes it means having to be your own cheerleader. No one said self-love was easy. No one said that you won’t have days where it’s easier to throw your pride out the window and just cave into the instant gratification. No one told you that it’s actually harder to be your best friend than your worst enemy. But being your worst enemy will only cause you pain and disappointment. It will draw people who don’t appreciate you closer to you. It will make people take you for granted and slowly it will make you believe that you’re not worthy of love and respect. You’ll start believing that you’re not good enough. You’ll start living expecting people to treat you like you don’t matter. You’ll start being okay with not liking who you are and waiting for people to validate you in order to feel better about yourself. So no one said self-love will be easy, but once you truly master the art of self-love, you’ll realize that it was all worth it. You’ll realize that no one has the power to make you doubt yourself or make you question your worth because you have the most important shield, you have the strongest protection…you know who you are and what you deserve and you won’t allow yourself to settle again. You won’t allow yourself to let anyone dictate or define how you feel about yourself.

The truth will set you free and the truth is the wrong kind of love is overrated. Wanting someone you can't have. Missing someone who wasn't really yours. It's all in your head. Fighting for someone's attention when they're so easily distracted. Trust me, you don't know want someone who can't see you or your worth. You don't want someone who doesn't want to spend time with you. You don't want someone who keeps making excuses as to why you can't be together instead of finding reasons to make it work. You don't want someone who makes you feel like talking to you is heavy and frustrating. You don't have want someone who makes you feel like you're so hard to be with. You don't want someone who makes even the simplest things difficult. You don't want someone with a weak heart who can't handle all of you because darling, you're not for the faint of heart. Once you take them off that pedestal and put yourself back on top, you'll realize that you should have knocked them down a long time ago. Their love will never match yours and they will never bring out the best in you. It's overrated. Wanting someone who suppresses the most beautiful and vulnerable parts of you. Talking to someone who forces you to bite your tongue and curb your deepest emotions. Running a mile for someone who wouldn't even walk an inch for you. You don't need that and you also don't need closure. Your closure is knowing your worth and taking back all the love you've given to the wrong ones and pouring it on the one who truly deserves your love because that's when you'll know it's right, when you pour your love on someone and it doesn't leave you feeling empty.

I used to come to New York for a boy. I thought I was in love with this boy. I thought he was the one but as time went by, I realized he’s not. I realized I was wrong and I never looked at New York the same way again. I never really got closure from this boy. Everything in this city reminded me of him. Everything in this city somehow screamed his name so for the longest time, I avoided New York because it reminded me of that loss. But as time went by, I made it a point to fall in love with New York again. I made it a point to go to every place we went to and eat in every restaurant he introduced me to and go to every park we visited and find happiness again. Find the things that made me fall in love with this city again. Take back the power from him and anyone trying to ruin something I love for me. And that was my closure because New York now doesn’t remind me of that boy anymore, it reminds me of my strength and my ability to move on with or without closure. It reminds me of the endless possibilities that lie ahead. It reminds of my dreams and how I made them happen. It reminds me of so many beautiful things that I created for myself. There’s so much more to life than someone who couldn’t love you. So much more to a city than a few memories with someone who didn't appreciate you. My love for this boy ended but my love for New York keeps growing because it will always remind me of the beauty of endings and how it paves the way for better beginnings and it will always remind me that you can find love again in every corner that once broke your heart.

Today, I want to talk about things falling apart. Often, we get carried away with a certain fantasy in our head or a certain life we want to live to the point where we convince ourselves that this is the life we’ve been dreaming of and it’s finally here and the world is better now but then something happens that shakes up this so-called ‘perfect’ life and you’re faced with the painful questions you’ve been stifling; is that the life I want to live? Is this is where I want to live? Is that the person I want to love? Is that the kind of friend I need? Change is hard. Disappointment sucks. Feeling like you’ve been betrayed or taken for granted or lied to hurts like hell. But you know what hurts even more? Pretending that everything is okay when it’s not. Playing dumb when you know better. Underestimating your own ability to walk away from a life that no longer serves you. Things fall apart so you can change something within you. They fall apart to teach you something really important; the wrong person, the wrong city, the wrong friends will never give you the life of your dreams. Then I remembered one of my favorite quotes from Eat Pray Love ‘Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.’ And that’s how I feel about things falling apart, they’re not actually falling apart to destroy you, they’re falling apart to save you. They’re falling apart to protect you. They’re falling apart so you can transform your life. So accept that ruin can sometimes be a gift from the universe. Ruin can build up better things. Ruin is not always favorable but if that’s the way the cookie crumbles, then we must figure out a way to enjoy the deliciousness and sweetness of it all because the day it all falls back together, the day things fall back into place, we’ll be glad we didn’t ruin our lives when things were falling apart. We’ll be glad we held on instead of falling down with it. We’ll be glad we survived the worst because it only means things will get better. It only means that the best is yet to come. So when it feels like everything is falling apart, I’ll always remember this quote and feel hopeful again. “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

And one day it will just hit you. On a random Tuesday afternoon, as you’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea, it will just hit you that you deserve so much more. You deserve so much better. Someone who truly wants you. Someone who wants to try. Someone who wants to take a chance. It will hit you when you start feeding yourself the bitter truth instead of your sweet lies. It will hit you when you try to sum up their actions and they don’t add up. It will hit you when you realize they only liked how you made them feel. The validation they got from you. The attention you gave them so effortlessly and the way you built them up when they were broken. It will hit you that when it was your turn to ask for what you wanted and ask for your efforts to be matched, they ran away. They couldn’t step up because they didn’t value you. They valued how you made them feel. It was never about you from the start. It was always about them. They never saw you. The only saw the way you viewed them and they fell in love with it. They fell in love with the image you created — the person they’re never going to be. But please don’t hate yourself for sticking around longer than you should or giving more or caring more. Please don’t say you’re a fool for believing in something more. Please don’t beat yourself up for thinking that they could have been right for you because you gave it your all, you were brave enough to try, you showed up, you embraced your vulnerability and told them how you truly felt and and that’s what truly matters. That’s how you will move on easily and peacefully. That’s how you will let go with ease because trust me, it will hit them one day, on a random Tuesday afternoon as they’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea that they should have tried harder. They should have loved you when you cared. They should have known that you will eventually walk away. They should have known that when you decide to leave, you’re never coming back. It will hit them only when it’s too late. Only when you’re gone.

Something beautiful happens when you trust God. Things don’t hurt you as much as they used to. Endings don’t cause you pain. The unknown doesn’t stress you out. Life doesn’t scare you anymore because you’re not attached to the outcome. You’re not attached to a single plan. You’re not attached to a picture of how things should look like. You just live knowing that everything will be ok. Everything will be fine. Everything will work itself out because, at the end of the day, there’s only so much you can do. At the end of the day, you’re not in control. You can jump up or fall down, crawl or run, yell or scream but nothing will ever change what God wrote for you. So be still. Stay calm. Keep believing in him and his plans. What’s not meant for you will always evade you and what’s meant for you will always find you no matter where you are. People will tell you that you need to have a plan for your future and make decisions quickly and figure things out but God will tell you that you need to be patient. You need to listen. You need to wait for your turn or your moment. You need to follow his lead. And trust me when I say that no one will make you feel better, no one will understand what you’re going through and no one will help you or heal you except for God. So let all your fears and worries go for a second and be still. The universe is moving things for you. God is working things out for you. You are safe.

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Writer & Poet

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