Tag Archives: People

For The First Time In A Really Long Time, I’m Letting Go

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Unsplash/Will Li

For the first time in a really long time, I’m not going to rush the universe for answers. For the first time in a really long time, I’m the one who needs to slow down. I’m tired of trying to figure everything out. I’m tired of having to make immediate decisions. I’m tired of trying to fight what’s not meant to be.

For the first time in a really long time, I’m just letting things expire. I’m letting things fade away, I’m letting everything that once tortured me lose importance and lose depth. I’m letting those who betrayed me exit my mind and my heart.

I’m letting them go without waiting for the universe to bring them back because for the first time in a really long time, I don’t want any of them back. For the first time, I’m not waiting for the stars to align because it’s always been a little messy and a little dark with some people. It’s always been a little heavy and a little grey with others. It’s always been a little heartbreaking and now it’s time to move on. Now it’s time to heal. Now it’s time to start over in a whole new universe with new stars to look at and new skies to look up to.

Because for the first time in a really long time I’m not trying to fight for anyone and for the first time in a really long time, I’ve got nothing to lose.

I like my reality the way it is right now. I like how I don’t hide who I really am anymore. I like how I don’t try too hard to make people stay with me because I finally like my own company. I like how goodbyes don’t scare me. I like how other women don’t intimidate me. I like that I’m not worried about what’s going to happen next and I like that I now have faith that the universe will always have something better in store for me.

Because for the first time in a really long time, I’m not scared. Maybe I’m curious. Maybe I have a few things I’d like to understand but I’m not scared anymore. I am content. And that didn’t happen overnight. It took years of fears, insecurities, pain, questioning God and the universe but I’m here today and I think I learned my lesson. I’m no longer chasing answers. I’m no longer trying to fight my destiny. I’m no longer revisiting my past. I’m no longer trying to rewrite old memories. I’m just learning how to live. To let things be. To let things fall into place instead of trying to rearrange them.

Because for the first time in a really long time, I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone, I just want to live.

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I Am Slowly Learning That I Don’t Have To Believe The Stories Others Have Written About Me

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Unsplash/Mark Alexandrovich

I am slowly learning that I don’t have to believe the stories others have written about me. I don’t have to be the character they want to be. I don’t have to give them the happy ending they want. It’s not their story. It’s mine and I won’t let them take the pen away from me again.

They want to paint me as the villain so they can sleep better at night or they want to paint me as the victim so they can feel powerful and victorious. They want to paint me as the crazy, rebellious, lost soul so they can feel like they have someone to guide whereas they’re the ones who really need guidance. They want to paint me as the inconsiderate, heartless kid so they can justify the hurtful words they said.

I am slowly learning that some people will always mold you into their story the way they want it to be because everyone wants to be the hero in their own story, no one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to write the truth. Everyone wants to write the reality they wish they were living and when you give them something that changes that narrative, they will do their best to write you off because changing their script means facing realities they’ve neglected for years. Changing their script means starting over. Changing their script means exposing their lies and some people out there love living a lie — a fabricated story they tell people so they can glorify themselves.

But I am slowly learning that I’m not like that. I write my story the way it is even if it hurts. I don’t write lies and believe them. I don’t write a fake reality so I can impress people. I write everything they erase. I write all the words they don’t want me to say out loud. I tell the stories they don’t want anyone to know. I don’t sugarcoat their bitterness.

And maybe that’s why they paint me as the villain and maybe I’m okay with that because a person who has already lost everything has nothing more to lose and even if they break all my fingers, I’m not giving them the pen again because my story will always glorify my honesty and their story will always glorify their lies. And maybe that’s why we can’t read the same story and maybe that’s why our story is finally over.