Tag Archives: letting go

A LETTER TO THE ONES I HAD TO LET GO

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Photo by Ömürden Cengiz on Unsplash
Letter Fourteen from my book All The Letters I Should Have Sent. 

Let me tell you how I did it. Let me tell you how I got your ghosts out of my system.

I stopped thinking about you late at night when I was alone wishing you were there so I could talk to you. I started talking to my best friends. I started reading. I started writing. Because I realized they’ve all been there for me in all the ways you weren’t and they’re still here with me but you’re gone.

I stopped staring at my phone when something good happens hoping you would say something and I stopped staring at it when something bad happens tempted to call you and tell you about it because you never wanted to celebrate with me and you never wanted to give me a shoulder to cry on when my tears wouldn’t stop falling.

I remembered that I couldn’t count on you to make me smile when you’re the ones who made me cry.

I stopped comparing anyone I met to you. I stopped believing in the same spark that burned me—the flames that turned to ashes.

I’m done living in this illusion I’ve created with you and I’m ready to face my new reality without you.

And finally, I stopped thinking that you’ll come back one day. I stopped wanting you to fight for me because the truth is, I don’t want a fight—love shouldn’t be about fighting and it shouldn’t be a war. It shouldn’t be a battle of who cares more and who’s going to fall harder. It shouldn’t be about winning and losing.

And if it is, then I don’t want it. Maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that love should be easy, it should be simple and clear. It shouldn’t be all questions and games and it shouldn’t leave you wondering or waiting.

And maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that love should be magic and it should leave you in awe.

Donations are always appreciated and accepted through Paypal

 

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2018, I’m Ready To Let You Go

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Photo by Megan Lewis on Unsplash

I’m ready.

I’m ready to let you go. I’m so ready to let you go. You weren’t the easiest or the happiest and I’m ready to say goodbye to everything you’ve brought. I’m ready to let go of the parts of you that disappointed me, the people who let me down, the moments that I couldn’t hold myself together and the times when I almost gave up on myself.

I learned.

You taught me a few important lessons the hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever predictable, especially people. You taught me that family could easily diminish your value in a moment of anger, friends could replace you when they find their significant other, people can lie to your heart and break it just to mend theirs, but most of all you taught me how to stand alone, which will always be the hardest lesson for me, but you proved to me that the only person I can control is me and the only person I can really count on is also me. You taught me not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much. You taught me that I have to always guard myself even from the closest people to my heart. But…..

I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the pain, the betrayal, the unpleasant surprises, and the confusion. I forgive you for the countless nights you made me sleep with tears in my eyes. I forgive you for making the happy times short-lived. I forgive you for not going the way I wanted you to go. Maybe there is something about you that will help me in the years to come. Maybe as much as I want to forget you, you will be the year I look back on to avoid future disasters or think twice before getting close to someone again or maybe you’ll be the year that brought me closer to myself and that will make all the difference. However…

I appreciate you.

You still brought me a lot of blessings. A lot of laughter. A lot of unforgettable moments and people. A lot of memories that will make me smile for years to come. Ironically, as much as you made me feel dead inside, you brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before. You had your way of making up for the bad times or the hard times and I appreciate you for making a few things better. I appreciate you for giving me just enough to keep going, to keep believing, to look forward to what’s coming next and to have faith that the best is yet to come.

I’m going to get over you.

I’m already healing from your wounds. I’m already looking ahead. I’m done living in your sob story. I’m done being your victim. I’m done letting you take so much space and energy. I’m done dwelling on all the things I didn’t do and all the dreams you didn’t let me live. I’m done trying to make everything happen before you end.

You weren’t the year for me and it’s time to move on. It’s time to let you go.

2019 —

I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what you hold for me, I don’t know if you’ll be better or worse, but I know that I’m ready for you. I’ve survived the worst and now I’m ready to write a new story on your empty pages, literally. I can only hope that this time, it’s going to be a happy one. I can only hope that this time, you are the year for me.

Here’s What They Don’t Tell You About ‘Finding Yourself’

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Unsplash/ Jernej Graj

They don’t tell you that it’s so easy to forget that we don’t have to stay stuck in one place. It’s easy to forget that we can’t change our lives or leave toxic people who bring us nothing but pain behind.

It’s so easy to forget that we have been living a lie and we can’t do anything about it because of the havoc that we might cause if we start being true to ourselves.

It’s so easy to forget that we actually have a choice.

A choice to start over. A choice to walk away. A choice to move. A choice to change. A choice to take a leap of faith. A choice to find what brings us joy. A choice to leave what once defined us.

Because the truth is there’s a part of you that knows when something has run its course, when something is over, when something has served its purpose and when it’s time for a new chapter and a new beginning. There’s a part of you that’s always ready to face what you’re afraid to admit to yourself.

It’s so easy to forget that we have that power. It’s so easy to let life define us instead of redefining our own lives.

I think what holds us back is fear, fear of letting go, fear of detaching from who we are, fear of losing what we worked so hard to achieve. Fear of changing what we think is the ‘best version’ of ourselves.

But here’s the terrifying truth, maybe it’s okay to feel like your ‘best self’ is not who you really want to be anymore.

Maybe it’s not so bad to break what once made us whole. We’re allowed to outgrow certain parts of our lives that we once fought so hard for or certain people who we once loved with all our hearts.

It’s so easy to forget that your ‘best-self’ may not be the best after all. Maybe it was for a little while, but it won’t be forever.

And I get it, it’s exhausting; changing, starting over, relearning who you are and what you need, feeling that you wasted years working so hard for something only to abandon it in the end. Trust me, I get it.

But what’s harder is living with a voice inside of you that’s that’s constantly telling you that something is off; you’re not where you’re meant to be. You’re not who you could become.

Because they don’t tell you that while it’s so easy to forget that we have a choice, it’s also so easy to remember that we can always make a different one. One that could change our lives for the umpteenth time and yes, it’s so easy to remember how to do it all over again.

One Day, It Will Just Hit You

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Nikita Kachanovsky

And one day it will just hit you. On a random Tuesday afternoon, as you’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea, it will just hit you that you deserve so much more. You deserve so much better.

Someone who truly wants you. Someone who wants to try. Someone who wants to take a chance.

It will hit you when you start feeding yourself the bitter truth instead of your sweet lies. It will hit you when you try to sum up their actions and they don’t add up. It will hit you when you realize they only liked how you made them feel. The validation they got from you. The attention you gave them so effortlessly and the way you built them up when they were broken.

It will hit you that when it was your turn to ask for what you wanted and ask for your efforts to be matched, they ran away. They couldn’t step up because they didn’t value you. They valued how you made them feel. It was never about you from the start. It was always about them. They never saw you. The only saw the way you viewed them and they fell in love with it. They fell in love with the image you created — the person they’re never going to be.

But please don’t hate yourself for sticking around longer than you should or giving more or caring more. Please don’t say you’re a fool for believing in something more. Please don’t beat yourself up for thinking that they could have been right for you because you gave it your all, you were brave enough to try, you showed up, you embraced your vulnerability and told them how you truly felt and and that’s what truly matters.

That’s how you will move on easily and peacefully. That’s how you will let go with ease because trust me, it will hit them one day, on a random Tuesday afternoon as they’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea that they should have tried harder. They should have loved you when you cared. They should have known that you will eventually walk away. They should have known that when you decide to leave, you’re never coming back.

It will hit them only when it’s too late. Only when you’re gone.