Tag Archives: dating

Maybe I Am ‘Too Much’ But I Just Can’t Be Anything Else

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Unsplash/kevin laminto

I don’t know how to be anything
other than intense.
All in.
Too much.
Too involved.
I don’t know how to be an almost
or anything in between.
But there’s a price you pay
when you can’t settle for the middle
because when you’re so fixated on
a certain kind of love
you become so good at letting go,
kissing people goodbye,
holding someone’s hand
only to unclasp your fingers,
getting so dangerously close
only to create a safer distance,
catching yourself before you fall
because you’re not so sure
if they will catch you.
And you don’t know how to half-love someone
or have bits and pieces of their heart,
You only know how to love with all your heart
and want the same in return.
So I got used to it all,
you know —
leaving,
moving on,
being on my own,
searching for answers,
walking my journey alone
because as much as I want to
hold someone’s hand
as I climb the mountain
and as much as I want to
share the view with someone,
I don’t know how to balance myself
if I’m not the only one.
I don’t know how to open the door
if I have one foot out.
So it doesn’t get to me anymore
when people call me too dreamy,
too romantic,
too idealistic,
or too much
because there’s a price you pay
when you don’t know how to settle,
you spend a lot of time waiting,
you spend a lot of time alone,
you don’t always have a hand to hold,
you don’t always have someone to call
but for some reason, you wait it out,
because you have faith that one of those days
your too muchness will be just enough
for the right person.

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The Wrong Kind Of Love Is Overrated

 

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Unsplash/Tyler Nix

Trust me when I say the wrong kind of love is overrated. Wanting someone you can’t have. Missing someone who wasn’t really yours. It’s all in your head. Fighting for someone’s attention when they’re so easily distracted by anything other than you. Trust me, you don’t want someone who can’t see you or see your worth. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want to spend time with you. You don’t want someone who keeps making excuses as to why you can’t be together instead of finding reasons to make it work. You don’t want someone who makes you feel like getting to know you is heavy or frustrating. You don’t want someone who makes you feel like you’re so hard to be with. You don’t want someone who can’t communicate the truth to you when you need it most. You don’t want someone with a weak heart who can’t handle all of you because darling, you’re not for the faint of heart.

Trust me, it’s overrated.

Once you take them off that pedestal and put yourself back on there, you’ll realize that you should have knocked them down a long time ago. Because it’s overrated. Their love is nothing but a waste of time. It will never match yours and they will never bring out the best in you. It’s pointless. Wanting someone who suppresses the most beautiful and vulnerable parts of you. Talking to someone who forces you to bite your tongue and curb your deepest emotions. Running a mile for someone who wouldn’t even walk an inch for you.

You don’t need that and you also don’t need closure. Your closure is knowing your worth and taking back all the love you’ve given to the wrong ones and pouring it on the one who truly deserves your love because that’s when you’ll know it’s right, when you pour your love on someone and it doesn’t leave you feeling empty. 

One Day, It Will Just Hit You

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Nikita Kachanovsky

And one day it will just hit you. On a random Tuesday afternoon, as you’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea, it will just hit you that you deserve so much more. You deserve so much better.

Someone who truly wants you. Someone who wants to try. Someone who wants to take a chance.

It will hit you when you start feeding yourself the bitter truth instead of your sweet lies. It will hit you when you try to sum up their actions and they don’t add up. It will hit you when you realize they only liked how you made them feel. The validation they got from you. The attention you gave them so effortlessly and the way you built them up when they were broken.

It will hit you that when it was your turn to ask for what you wanted and ask for your efforts to be matched, they ran away. They couldn’t step up because they didn’t value you. They valued how you made them feel. It was never about you from the start. It was always about them. They never saw you. The only saw the way you viewed them and they fell in love with it. They fell in love with the image you created — the person they’re never going to be.

But please don’t hate yourself for sticking around longer than you should or giving more or caring more. Please don’t say you’re a fool for believing in something more. Please don’t beat yourself up for thinking that they could have been right for you because you gave it your all, you were brave enough to try, you showed up, you embraced your vulnerability and told them how you truly felt and and that’s what truly matters.

That’s how you will move on easily and peacefully. That’s how you will let go with ease because trust me, it will hit them one day, on a random Tuesday afternoon as they’re sitting in a cafe sipping tea that they should have tried harder. They should have loved you when you cared. They should have known that you will eventually walk away. They should have known that when you decide to leave, you’re never coming back.

It will hit them only when it’s too late. Only when you’re gone.